It is usually the case that by the time a couple get to the stage of seeking Relationship Counselling they have tried long and hard to solve the issues they are facing and will be exhausted, just hoping that someone else may have the answer.
This makes complete sense particularly when you bear in mind they’ve probably been arguing for quite some time especially when a major betrayal is at the route of their problems.
The question all clients ask is will Couples Counselling actually save our relationship?
This is never an easy question to answer as it depends on so many factors and is different for each couple but there are a few factors that are particularly important in determining whether counselling will be successful for you or not.
How much do both parties actually want to resolve their problems?
It is very common that when a couple come for counselling one or both state that they are very close to leaving the relationship.
Having potentially spent quite a long time in emotional turmoil and facing a great deal of stress this is not really surprising.
Try not to be too upset by the fact your partner may have said they want to get away from the stress and pain that the issues are causing you both. It is a normal reaction and doesn’t mean they necessarily want to end the relationship altogether, just that they want to end the way it is functioning at the moment.
It will usually take between four and six sessions to recognise and understand the way the negative communication is effecting your relationship.
What happens from there and how effective the counselling process will be will come down to how much you both wish to participate.
Do you still get upset and argue?
Although you probably hate the arguing, disagreements and fighting they do show that you still have some investment in the relationship. If you didn’t still care you wouldn’t get upset you’d just walk away so although fighting is not a healthy way to communicate it does show that there may still be something worth fighting for.
The relationships that generally take the longest to mend are the ones where both parties have emotionally detached having got to a point where they are just ignoring one other as opposed to fighting. This issue can be worked through but it will usually take a lot longer as you have to go back and start to build a connection again.
How invested are you in relationship counselling?
Couples counselling can save a relationship and re-ignite a lost love but it won’t always be the case. It’s vital that both of you are open to the process and want to get involved in it. You have to be able to put an emotional value on mending your relationship and be willing to commit to the cause.
One of you will likely be leading the other to seek counselling but at some point the other must start to invest in it emotionally. This won’t necessarily be immediate, it may take weeks or months for both parties to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel but whilst you’re both working towards this point it’s vital you equally commit to the process, showing up for all your sessions together and discussing what is happening between you outside of the sessions.
Choosing the right counsellor
Counsellors all have slightly different approaches. You will find that some are specialists in couple counselling, some combine it with their individual work and some refuse to work with couples at all.
The most important aspect is that you find a counsellor that both you and your partner are comfortable speaking to openly. Suitable relationship counsellors won’t tell you to leave the relationship, they won’t take sides and they certainly won’t give advice. In order to help you through your problems they need to be able to listen to both of you equally in a non-judgemental fashion and you should both feel that you’re being understood.
The Cambridge Counsellor can offer you the support you need to explore your relationship and any problems you may be having. We recognise the importance of impartiality and work towards helping you to function as a healthy, happy and supportive couple.
To book an appointment please feel free to contact us to discuss how we may help.